Every time I go to the mall with my son I end up getting distracted by something. I use to love to go shopping and the last time I went ended up purchasing this wild set of novelty slippers, which my wife made me return the very next day. I swear she has no sense of humor and has always been like this, but every time I try to point this out we end up getting into a huge argument. I couldn’t even believe that she wanted me to go to the mall, but she told me this morning and that’s what I ended up doing.

She told me that I was supposed to go by two new toddler robes and that I was to return forthwith. She actually said that, “forthwith,” which sounded kind of cool. I took a Shakespeare class in college and absolutely loved it, even though I failed it. I remember not wanting to take the final and having been satisfied with getting all of the knowledge, which is why I totally ended up blowing it off. By the time I got to the mall I totally forgot why I was there, and I ended up buying this cool set of toddler slippers, which, you guessed it, my wife made me return the very next day.